American Girl Adds Its First Ever American (Fuck)Boy & Here’s How He Fits Into Our Ranking

American Girl has finally gotten its first ever American Boy! Apparently men are also involved in American history. Weird.

The dolls name is Logan Everett and hes a drummer who rocks a flannel, graphic tee, sneakers, and an expression that says I will tell you over dinner that your major sounds incredibly interesting and then ghost you after we have sex. As we pointed out in The Sup, Logan appears to be representing 2017 Fuckboy culture, and probably comes with a bottle of Axe body spray and a phone thats halfway done texting U UP?

Havent seen Logans bedroom set yet but Id bet my life it includes a mattress on the floor, that Pink Floyd poster of butts, and a crusty old bong. Not sure if they have AG dolls that can talk yet, but if so, then get ready to press Logans stomach and listen to him tell you all about his band!

Logan also comes with a girl friend (as in girl-who-is-a-friend) named Tenney (wtf?) who you know is just there to intimidate you and the other dolls. Logan will insist that he and Tenney are not dating and that shes only texting him to talk about their music but as soon as you go snooping you know youre gonna find Tenneys holiday ensemble under the trash pile in Logans room (Logan’s room comes with a trash pile btw).

So youre probably all wondering at this point where Logan fits in our Ranking Of American Girl Dolls By Betchiness. After conducting a brief investigation into Logans look, personal life, accessories, and demeanor, I have decided to rank Logan 6th. He is not nearly as betchy as Kirsten (#5), who comes with her own elaborate braid crown and a hat made of candles, but is significantly betchier than Molly, who we have already established is a narc.

And before you ask, Tenney is a side chick and for that reason has not earned the right to be ranked. Come correct next time, Tenney, and well see.


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