Well, we did it. We fucked up. Well, like, we didnt personally fuck up, but our country is a shithole that cant get anything right. Weve been joking all year about moving up to Canada, but the jokes over. Weve already looked at flights to Toronto, and we can have our bags packed by the end of the week. Tbh weve been dying to break out our Uggs, so a trip north is just what we need right now.
Look, Canada, weve always thought of you as Americas cool older cousin. We havent spent a lot of time in your cities, but we imagine that everyone is really nice and/or related to Drake. Lets talk about Drake. We LOVE Drake. Were not thrilled about his potential thing with Taylor Swift, but you dont have to let her in to the country if you dont want to! We also have a lot of Justin Bieber on our pregame playlists, which well totally share with you if you let us in.
Were not big fans of nature or the outdoors, but weve heard Canada is lovely and has a lot of majestic wilderness areas. We dont really like skiing, but were sure you guys have some lovely ski lodges to hang out in while our dads are busy on the slopes. We remember watching the Winter Olympics in Vancouver a few years ago, so good job with that. Our last Olympics was in 2002, and that was planned by Mitt Romney so like, yikes.
But probably the most important point in all this is that you guys have literally the hottest Prime Minister on the planet. Justin Trudeau is basically our dream man, and now that were stuck with a creepy old orange man, were ready for Justin.
Our preference is Toronto, but we also took French for like two years in high school, so we could really fit in in Montreal too. Basically, Canada, we just wanted to leave this here so you know how cool and pretty you are, and also can we please have a work visa ASAP.
Maple Leaf Betches