Twenty-two librarians. One simple question: Who is the most Italian guy youve ever had to find a book for?
1. Jacqueline Merrick Im not sure I understand the question.
2. Carl Bryant – What exactly do you mean by most Italian?
3. Taylor Booth Oh, I dont think I should answer something like that.
4. Lucie Cook Cant say a patron has ever stood out as being the most Italian.
5. Ken Bynum What?
6. Michelle Roland Theres an old Italian man who comes in sometimes, and hes really sweet. I mean, hes not any more Italian than a normal Italian guy, but hes the first one who came to mind. I dont know if that answers your question.
7. Jennifer DeLuca Why would you ask me something like that?
8. Lorrie Yates No ones ever stood out in that way.
9. George Hoffman Can you be more specific? Youre either Italian or youre not, right?
10. Emma Reynolds Okay, so there was this guy who came in about two years ago. He wore an all-white Italian chefs outfit and had an enormous Italian chefs mustache. At least two, maybe three feet long. And the hat he woreit was the platonic model of an Italian chefs hat, in my opinion. The most Italian-looking man Ive ever seen or ever will see. He was also always kissing his fingers in the classic Italian fashion, although more violently, and would only take a break to ask me Wheres-a the spaghetti book, mamma mia? I need-a the spaghetti book! His lips were scarred and his fingers seemed to be permanently pruned because of all that Italian finger-kissing, and if he owned a restaurant I wanted no part of itno matter how good it might be. Anyway, I was certain we didnt have anything called The Spaghetti Book, but he was persistent. I led him to the fiction section on the off chance it was there, and as soon as we got there he found Dantes The Divine Comedy and started smiling. To him, this was the spaghetti book. Maybe because Dante was Italian? Im still not totally sure. To thank me, he kissed me on both cheeks in the classic Italian fashion and pulled out a few big, steaming bowls of spaghetti from behind my ear. I didnt eat them, obviously, but it was still nice. Yeah, he was a regular Mr. Italy for sure.
11. Earl Kennedy Excuse me?
12. Wendy Liu I dont keep track of how Italian our patrons are, if thats what youre asking. Im not sure how youd even measure something like that.
13. Emily Sweeney Id rather not say.
14. Zoe Meadows What are you talking about?
15. Christopher Rubin Thats a tough one. Its probably a tie between the guy who came in on a gondola and demanded 45 copies of The Godfather in between screaming I HAVE A SECRET GARDEN OF GRAPES! and the guy who came in on a Vespa that was dragging the Leaning Tower of Pisa and demanded one copy of The Prince 45 times in between screaming I ALSO HAVE A SECRET GARDEN OF GRAPES! If forced to choose, Id probably say the Vespa guy, but its really close.
16. Caroline Dwyer Maybe Im misunderstanding you here. The most Italian?
17. Amy Booker I dont know.
18. Michael Singer Not totally sure what you mean.
19. Patricia Livingston Theres only one guy who really stands out. He came in all tangled up in the Italian flag and wouldnt stop spinning around the lobby in distress. Eventually, he got exhausted or dizzy and he collapsed, and as he was lying there I could hear him murmuring The Mona Lisa and the cappuccinos, the Mona Lisa and the cappuccinos, and who can forget about those Etruscans and Fellini, not Mussolini, and commedia dellarte and Mussolini and also where is The Brothers Karamazov for these red, white, and green eyes to read, mamma mia? And those Etruscans as well…. Then he passed out. I went and found him The Brothers Karamazov, which is a really great Russian book, but by the time I got back, the paramedics had come and taken him. I never got to see his face, but I dont think its too big a stretch to say that he was Italian.
20. Lucas Buckley I dont think I know how to answer that.